Help me! Crazed Actors Are Trying to Kill Me!
by PrincessofDucttapeland
Summary: A crazy director forces the humans and aliens to work together in a modernized Romeo and Juliet. Will Kish and Ichigo survive acting together? Why aren't Pie and Keiichiro getting along? Will Masaya have a relapse onstage? Find out by clicking the title!


Chapter One: Keiichiro, a Friendly Ear

Ichigo's heart pounded. The cast list was supposed to go up six days ago, but the list had finally come. She worked her way, pretending to be sweeping, closer and closer to the piece of paper taped to the door of Café Mew Mew. She glanced around to make sure no one was looking. Mint was drinking tea across the room, Pudding was swinging from the chandelier, Lettuce was cleaning up her latest set of ruined dishes, Zakuro was glaring at customers, and Keiichiro was in the kitchen. She was safe. Turning quickly, Ichigo scanned the list. She let out a cheer, closed her eyes and spun in a circle in joy. Juliet! She had expected some small part in the background, or props master or something, but the star? She couldn't be happier. Unfortunately, that meant she could only go downhill from there. Ichigo crashed into someone, knocking them to the ground, and opened her eyes, prepared to apologize to a customer. Instead, she turned to see Ryou, who was smirking.

"So, I take it you're just a little bit happy?" Ryou asked, pulling Ichigo up onto her feet. Before she could answer, he shoved the broom back into her hands.

"I still expect top-quality work around here! Stop daydreaming about kissing Kish and get to work!" Ryou yelled. He walked into the kitchen and shook his head. She was too easy to anger.

Keiichiro, putting sprinkles on a pink cupcake, looked up to see Ryou washing his hands to help cook.

"No research today?" Keiichiro asked, frosting another cupcake.

"No, I'm going to take a break from research until the play is finished. It's probably best for the café. And safest."

Just then they heard screams and the sound of many glass objects breaking.

"Lettuce and Pudding have seen the list," Ryou said without turning from the ingredients he had just started measuring.

Pudding came flying into the kitchen.

"Keiichiro, guess what?" Pudding screamed. "I'm the Nurse and Ryou and Lettuce get to be married!"

As Keiichiro tried to not die laughing at Pudding's statement and Ryou's slightly red face, Zakuro stormed into the kitchen. She gave a death glare to Ryou and Pudding, and they both left quickly. She turned to Keiichiro, the one person she would confide in, and whispered, trying to not cry, "Lady Montague? Not only did I not get a good part, I'm not even a Capulet! I've always wanted to be a Capulet. Am I really that bad?"

Keiichiro shook his head and shrugged. Most of the girls trusted Keiichiro and told him their secrets, but with Zakuro, he knew this was a real sign of faith in him. The other girls had at least one other person they would talk to. Zakuro had told him he was the only one she talked to.

"I thought you were going to get Juliet. But it doesn't matter. What size part did you ask for?"

Zakuro miserably told him that she had asked for a smaller part because she would be so busy with modeling.

"That's the reason, I'll bet these cupcakes! Actually, would you like one?" Keiichiro asked, already holding one out to her. She took the dessert and pulled the wrapper off carefully.

"Well, who gets to play your lucky Lord Montague?" Keiichiro asked, turning to finish making the pastries Ryou had started.

Zakuro froze for a second, then tried to sound calm when she said, "Pie."

Keiichiro glanced over at her, knowing there was something up, but not wanting to pressure her.

"Oh, that's nice. Did you see what part I have?" Keiichiro asked, putting the desserts into the oven and setting the timer.

"Benvolio, third on the list. Right after Kish and Ichigo. Seriously, how does she think this is going to work? Masaya is Paris… Do you think the director is trying to tell them something?" Zakuro asked, throwing her cupcake wrapper away.

"I have no idea. Other than at auditions, I've never met the director. She sounds like she's very nice though," Keiichiro said.

"I'd better get back to work. Where's table seven's order?"

Keiichiro pointed, and Zakuro left, only to be replaced with Mint.

Keiichiro, we have the opening fight! I love Tybalt! This will be so fun! Which tray has table two's order?" Mint asked as she grabbed a spoon and started a fake sword fight with the air. Keiichiro handed her the tray he had just finished preparing. She took the tray, but kept fencing with her spoon even as she went to deliver the food.

As Mint left the kitchen, she saw Lettuce frozen in front of the cast list. After dropping off the order she was carrying, she went to find Ichigo.

"Lettuce is freaking out… You might want to go talk to her," Mint whispered to Ichigo, who was sweeping for all she was worth. Ichigo swept her way back to where Lettuce still stood, gaping at the cast list.

"Lettuce, what's wrong?" Ichigo asked. For a few minutes, her friend did not reply. Then she squeaked and turned to whisper to Ichigo.

"I got a part. And I'm married to Ryou. What if he hates that? What if he hates me? What if I forget my lines? What if I fall offstage, squash a talent scout, and none of you become famous, even though you do very, very well? What if-"

Ichigo cut her off.

"You'll do fine. And don't worry, Lady Capulet doesn't have that many lines. I have faith in you!" Ichigo hugged her friend and they both went to get more orders.

Author's note: Okay, here's the cast list. I did my best to fit characters. Also, I've only read the manga, and seen a few of the anime episodes in Japanese with fuzzy subtitles on a computer late at night... Fun times. Anyway, any and all constructive criticism is very very welcome, especially on the style, structure, creativity, you know, the writer-y stuff that your English teacher never sees, because all they talk about is grammar and junk like that. Thanks a million!

Romeo Kish

Juliet Ichigo

Benvolio Keiichiro

Mercutio Tart

Nurse Pudding

Tybalt Mint

Paris Masaya

Peter Masha

Lord Montague Pie

Lady Montague Zakuro

Lord Capulet Ryou

Lady Capulet Lettuce

Friar Chancha

Apothecary Hanacha

Prince of Verona Lucha

Roslyn Honcha

Balthazar Heicha


End file.
